(Post 1 of many, many more to come on this topic) . . .

If I had to name one, the single most powerful influence on my decision to start writing is my belief that the state of communication between parents and kids, and kids with each other is at, or near an all-time low.   Even as you read that sentence, my guess is that for a lot of you, your mind went right to the cell phone or device as the focus of this post, but it’s not…However, if you did think of the phone right away, that in and of itself tells you that you must have some thoughts about your own kid’s use of their phone and how it is influencing their communication.  And also, you could bet that you will absolutely see more than one post in the future about technology and the phone, and the role they play in the dismal state of our youth’s ability to effectively communicate, because I promise that you will.

To start the conversation, however, I think we need to talk about the very basics of communication, correspondence, conversation and interaction…after all, a phone sitting on a counter certainly doesn’t influence how a person communicates with another, so let’s leave it there for now.

Think about actual person-to-person interaction, and how it has changed over the years, to a point where some of the very basics seem to be all but gone in the culture of today’s youth.  One of the very first adult interaction experiences I remember as a kid was my parents introducing me to someone…a two-step process for me, eyes up, hand out, pretty simple stuff.  My parents weren’t military or super regimented or even what I would call “strict”, it was an expectation borne out of basic manners, being nice to people and being able to speak for ourselves.  And almost without exception the encounter would include a question, “what grade are you in?”, “what sport do you play?”, “how old are you?”…to which, with eyes up, I would answer for myself.

You hardly see that kind of dynamic play out today, as parents often make the “introduction” like pointing out a car in a parking lot… “it’s the red one over there”.  And kids, IF asked to engage are excused as “kids” by offering a grunt and maybe a quick eye roll, often with device in hand, or other distraction occupying their attention.

Yes, a simple act, and one that you could dismiss as insignificant, but think about all that occurs in that most basic of interactions…it is the very beginning of the foundation of self-esteem for kids.  I was given a chance to speak for myself, and the fact that my parents introduced me was an unspoken vote of confidence in me as a kid, they were proud of me.  It taught me to value the friends of my parents, and by treating them with respect, I was in a way, giving my parents a great gift.  And for the people I was meeting, the simple act of lifting my eyes and shaking their hand made them feel important.  It carries forward and builds on itself… each time I would see many of these people again, whether with my parents or not, I could call them by name.  And as I got older, in various situations, they would introduce me to other people they knew… “I want you to meet Andy, he’s Jim and Joan’s son….”

I struggled with how to begin this blog, and even more with how to begin the conversation about communication, so I decided to start at what could be called the very beginning.  Think about your own experiences as a kid, as a parent, or as the person being introduced.

It is rare in life that we have an opportunity to give our kids, ourselves as parents and others such a great gift with almost no effort and no expense, just a simple two-step process…
eyes up, hand out.